Sleep deprivation is one of the biggest shocks for new parents. You have just welcomed your beautiful baby, and instead of glowing with joy, you are stumbling around like a zombie, wondering if you will ever sleep again. If your newborn is waking up constantly, refusing naps, or seems restless at night, you are not alone.
As a midwife and a mum, I can promise you this: sleepless nights are normal, but they do not have to break you. Understanding why your baby will not sleep and knowing what you can do about it can make all the difference.
Why Newborns Don’t Sleep Like Adults
Newborn sleep is biologically different from adult sleep. Babies have shorter sleep cycles (about 40 minutes compared to an adult’s 90 minutes) and spend more time in lighter stages of sleep. This means they wake more often, which, frustrating as it feels, is protective and normal.
Common Reasons Your Baby Won’t Sleep
1. Hunger
Newborns need to feed frequently because their stomachs are tiny. Growth spurts can also make them extra hungry at night.
2. Discomfort
A wet nappy, being too hot or too cold, or trapped wind can all wake a baby from sleep.
3. Day Night Confusion
In the womb, babies are lulled to sleep by your movements during the day and wake when you rest at night. It takes time to adjust to the outside world.
4. Developmental Leaps
As your baby learns new skills, their brain is extra busy, which often disrupts sleep.
5. Sleep Associations
If baby only falls asleep while feeding or being rocked, they may struggle to self settle when they wake between cycles. (That said, it is completely fine to soothe your baby to sleep. Rocking, feeding, or cuddling are normal ways babies fall asleep, and you are not doing anything wrong. Remember, soothing your baby is never a bad habit, you are building security and love, not spoiling them.)
What You Can Do (Without Losing It)
Create a Consistent Bedtime Routine
Babies thrive on predictability. A simple routine such as bath, feed, story, cuddle signals that sleep time is coming.
Focus on Sleep Environment
Keep the room dark, quiet, and cool (16 to 20°C is ideal). White noise machines can mimic the womb and soothe restlessness.
Practice Safe Sleep (and Consider Safe Co Sleeping)
Always place baby on their back in a clear cot or Moses basket, but if you choose co sleeping, make sure it is safe co sleeping following the Lullaby Trust and NHS guidelines. This gives some families more rest and can support breastfeeding.
Encourage Day Night Awareness
Expose your baby to natural daylight and normal household noise during the day, and keep things calm and dim at night.
Share the Load
If you have a partner, take turns settling baby. Even a short stretch of uninterrupted sleep for you can make a big difference.
Accept That “Perfect Sleep” is a Myth
There is no magic fix. Some babies sleep through early, others take much longer. Comparing your baby to others only increases stress.
The Nighttime Breastfeeding Connection
Breastfed babies often wake more at night, and that is not just because they are hungry. Night feeds play an essential role in establishing and maintaining milk supply. The hormone prolactin, which stimulates milk production, peaks during the night. Frequent nighttime feeding helps increase prolactin levels and tells your body to keep producing enough breast milk. So when your baby insists on extra night feeds, they are actually working with your body’s natural rhythms to build and protect your milk supply.
When to Seek Help
If your baby seems constantly unsettled, struggles to gain weight, or you are concerned about reflux, colic, or other health issues, speak with your midwife, health visitor, or GP. Trust your instincts, you know your baby best.
Viv’s Thoughts
Baby sleep is unpredictable, but it is not forever. With time, gentle routines, and support, things get easier. For now, give yourself grace. You are not failing because your baby does not sleep like the books say they should. You are doing an incredible job.
Baby manuals don’t exist… but this comes close.
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I’d love to hear from you. What’s the one piece of advice you’d pass on to other new parents? Share it in the comments below. Your words could truly help someone else.